Warning Label.

I just read the warning label on my love sac for the first time ever after having been in possession of it for over 3 years...I know- I am lame....however the warning label is not....I am quoting the Love Sac word for word...and it is hilarious I must say:

Improper use of this product may cause injury or death.
Do not jump on the sac- projecting oneself through open space is inherently dangerous- may cause injury or death.
Do not allow children to play unattended on the Sac- better yet, do not allow your children to play unattended at all.
Do not eat the DuraFoam- more importantly never inhale- may damage your political career.
Do not allow people to play underneath the Sac- or anything else for that matter- may cause injury or death.
Keep away from heaters.
Failure to keep your Sac fluffed may cause injury or death to your Sac.
Failure to keep your Sac cover washed is just gross, and may somehow lead to injury or death.
Failure to share the love will only cause you to lose friends- possibly resulting in injury or death.

If Calley Soptitch wrote a warning label- I would expect it to be something like what I just posted :)